Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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