btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
