somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
