Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
