She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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