dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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