dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize