what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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