Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
