My brain says no but my pants say off.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
