Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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