that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
