I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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