riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I deserve to be covered in dicks
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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