Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
