I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
