I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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