You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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