Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
