after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
