everyone is single if you try hard enough
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
