my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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