Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
