3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize