What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize