stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
