this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
