Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
