The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
