Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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