Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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