Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize