There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
