when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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