why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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