Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
