you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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