walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
