At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
