She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
