Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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