Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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