i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
be right there i have to get my cape
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
