i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
