Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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