god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
