well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize