I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
