I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
