to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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