good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she pinky promised me she was 18
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
