I CAN MOONWALK!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
