fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
so much tequila, so little girl.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
