True but thats because hes a fetus.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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