some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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