Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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