John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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