I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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