I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
