I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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