On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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