my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
