I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
