He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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