you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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