What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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